Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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