i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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