You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
