Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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