didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
