ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
