Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
