the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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