i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
