I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
