Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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