Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
