i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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