well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize