When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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