Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
