I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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