You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
