i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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