I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
