told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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