How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
