Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
