problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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