Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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