taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
