i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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