Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
