So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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