Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize