After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
