so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize