She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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