I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Two words: blizzard sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
