i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
