I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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