Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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