My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
