chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
