Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
