I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
