Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
