TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
