So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
