So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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