I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
