i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bring me that man meat
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
