I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
