if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
