I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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