Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there's paper in my vomit.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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