someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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