maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
