my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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