Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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