Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
