You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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