You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
