We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
