Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize