i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
