I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
