Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
