I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
