Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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