Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
