My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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