What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
