someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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