She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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